In my mid-forties, my body finally said, "Enough." I faced a perfect storm: burnout collided with menopause leaving me feeling lost and overwhelmed. I navigated through this challenging period, rediscovered myself, and emerged with a renewed sense of purpose and optimism for the future.
For years, I'd been pushing through, medicating my way past every illness, but then, internal shingles struck. The pain, centred in my hip, made every movement excruciating. I had no choice but to stop.
The idea of being off work was uncomfortable, but I understood the necessity. As the virus cleared, I attempted to return, only to find that the pain persisted and was now accompanied by debilitating anxiety. What I had hoped would be a short absence stretched into months as my body and mind refused to cooperate with my desire to get back to 'normal.'
I found it hard to communicate how I was feeling because I was ashamed of not being able to cope. I had always been 'strong,' and now I secretly cried all the time and didn't know how to ask for help. The prospect of returning to work filled me with dread. On the days I managed to go in, the short walk from the car park to the office was agonising.
Concentration eluded me, and comfort was a distant memory. My anxiety about missing work morphed into anxiety about being there, creating a vicious cycle I couldn't escape. My identity had always been massively wrapped up in my work, so when that was taken away, I felt lost. I didn't know who I was anymore, but I also didn't feel able to cope with the work, the people, or even myself. I was well and truly stuck, unable to see a way out of this prolonged period of illness and self-doubt.
I returned to the doctor looking for help. Fortunately, I had private healthcare and could be referred to several specialists. A series of tests followed all coming back clear - "nothing wrong." I was relieved and also not, I didn’t want to be ill, but I also wanted a label for how I was feeling. Without visible symptoms or a clear diagnosis, I thought people wouldn’t believe me, I felt I needed physical evidence to prove how I felt, a sling, crutches, a recognisable condition, something more than my words.
My doctor suggested perimenopause, which I dismissed as impossible. I was too young! Surely menopause is when you are old, retired, done? I added this to my things to feel confused and anxious about. Desperate, I tried HRT, but my sky-high cortisol levels rendered it ineffective.
My first breakthrough came one Sunday in a café, I was reading the colour supplement of a paper when I stumbled on an article about two sisters who had collaborated on a new book. I cried as I read it as I felt they were writing specifically about me. I had to wait another 2 weeks for the book to come out in the UK, it was ‘Burnout’ by Emily and Amelia Nagoski and it answered a lot of questions.
My second breakthrough arrived with a physiotherapist, who works with the breath, he suggested I was stressed. Of course I was stressed - I was made of the stuff! But I hadn't realised how profoundly it was affecting me physically as well as mentally. It took me many appointments before I properly appreciated that I had paid no attention to how I breathed much less any other part of my body. I had taken my body for granted and now it was asking to be noticed.
This realisation was my wake-up call. It was time to stop looking outside for answers that had been inside my own body all along. With this newfound awareness, I began my journey back to health, starting from the very basics.
I began with a daily journal, tracking my sleep quality, meditation, daily intentions, physical activity, water, caffeine, and alcohol intake, and their effects on me and I became intentional about my breathing.
From these simple practices, my Purposeful Life Strategy was born. It not only transformed my life but also my approach to coaching as I felt compelled to share what I'd learned the hard way so maybe others didn’t have to.
I feel my experience is, unfortunately, a common one. We often confuse perimenopause/ menopause symptoms with stress - they share many similarities. However, it's important to recognise that normalising or accepting high levels of stress as "just part of life" can lead us to overlook the real impact of hormonal changes and potentially miss opportunities for proper treatment and support. If we don't manage our stress effectively and distinguish it from menopausal symptoms, our journey through this phase of life can be unnecessarily challenging.
I enjoy reading and researching and have subsequently read a lot of books, participated in many courses and consequently expanded my knowledge and awareness on stress, burnout and menopause. It can feel like we're drowning in information yet often parched for wisdom. The abundance of data, both reliable and misleading, can lead to a paralysing form of ignorance. It's increasingly challenging to discern what's true and relevant from what's not.
This is why self-awareness is crucial. By truly understanding our own minds and bodies, we create self-knowledge that empowers us to make decisions that are right for us. Ultimately, our journey through menopause and beyond isn't about absorbing every piece of advice we encounter. It's about developing the awareness and insight to make informed, personalised choices that truly serve our well-being.
This journey through burnout and menopause has been challenging, but it has led me to a place of profound self-discovery and growth. I've learned that 'the change' isn't just about physical transitions—it's an invitation to reimagine and reinvent ourselves. And that, I've found, is something truly worth being positive about.
With my stress under control, I chose to take HRT which I am pleased to say, for me, has helped immensely with managing symptoms.
Today, I know myself better than ever before. I feel more confident and assured in my identity, grounded in both physical and mental well-being. This transformation happened because I made a crucial decision: to live my life on purpose. As I embrace this next phase of life, I'm filled with excitement for the opportunities it brings. While I wish I had learned these lessons earlier, I'm grateful for the wisdom I've gained.
With potentially another 50 years ahead, I'm determined to live them with purpose and gratitude.
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